Coach Taylor

I decided to coach a second- and third-grade YMCA basketball team in Durham this season. I figured it would be a fun volunteer opportunity and that I could hopefully teach the kids something along the way.

We're two practices in now, and it has been fun; however, I'm starting to think I'll be doing as much learning as teaching.

Here are a few lessons I've already picked up:

-Second- and third-graders are kind of like college students

My first basketball practice was similar to the first day of classes at Mount St. Mary's University. There were a few kids that listened and were eager to learn; they reminded me of why I'm doing this in the first place. And there was a second, larger group that couldn't give a whit what I had to say and already started ignoring me

There were some differences, though, that worked in the little kids' favor. For example, no one at practice was text messaging or hung over. Among the kids, that is. The parents were all hung over. ("Do you have to bounce those basketballs so loudly?")

-Divide and conquer

Perhaps it sends the wrong message to compare dealing with young kids to being in a street fight. Let's just say it puts you at a significant disadvantage to be outnumbered.

I'm greatly outnumbered when I show up for coaching duties - an 11:1 ratio to be specific. So I have to come out swinging and fight dirty. Wait, no. I mean, I have to divide and conquer.

That kind of differential limits what you can realistically accomplish in practice, particularly when it comes to individual skills instruction.

Heck, who am I kidding, it limits my ability to even keep all the kids on one end of the court. Pretty soon I'm going to have these guys holding hands and using the buddy system so no one gets lost in the gym.

I can only imagine explaining that one to a parent.

"I'm terribly sorry. I turned my back for just one second to demonstrate proper box-out technique; the next thing you know Henry was gone. He's not much of a basketball player anyway. Maybe swimming's more his thing. Have you checked the pool area?"

My wife, ever the wise one, suggested after the first practice that I put the kids in smaller groups as often as possible. Thankfully, one player's father has volunteered to help me throughout the season, which makes this a possibility. Practice number two was therefore more of a success. Baby steps.

Hmmm ... group work to keep their attention. Still sounds like a college classroom.

-Democracy is okay, but only in limited amounts

In addition to basketball lessons each week, my kids are getting a little constitutional knowledge for no extra charge. Granted, it's not entirely by the book, but they're getting tastes of democracy in small doses nonetheless.

I should probably call it Chicago democracy. Majority rules still apply in theory; I just happen to rig the vote a bit.

Case in point. After our second practice we went through the process of choosing a team name. For some reason the kids weren't satisfied with our birth name of "Team Four."

And here I had developed all kinds of witty cheers that will now go to waste.

"On the glass and on the floor, we'll kick your rear 'cause we're Team Four." (Intimidating dance follows.)

After soliciting naming ideas from the kids, I narrowed their choices prior to the voice vote in order to leave them with options that didn't unintentionally offend. In other words, the curious suggestion that included the word "Whites" - seemingly well liked among the members of my diverse team - didn't make the final cut. Nor did "The Evil Eyes."

Ultimately, the Bald Eagles (or just Eagles among friends) narrowly edged out The Clevelands.

God Bless America. And God Bless Team Four.